I was gone both days this weekend at a non-residential meditation retreat, spending from 9:00 to 4:30 each day meditating (sitting and walking) and listening to dharma talks given by Sharon Salzberg.
On the first morning, I got ready to go while the boys played and Rom made their breakfast. When I left, I said goodbye and they enthusiastically said goodbye back, and offered me many kisses, of the hand-blown variety, and the planted-on-my-face, hands, and legs variety.
I headed down to the car, while everyone else in my family stood on the porch, hollering out “Goodbye!”
Once I was in the car, Orlando called out, “Wait, Mama! Wait! I have something for you!”
Rom came with him as he walked to the driver’s side of the car, and Orlando handed me two leaves, one big and one small, and he gave me very clear instructions: “Here, Mama, keep these with you all day and then give them back to me when you come home.”
I told him, “Okay, I will,” as I heard Mica calling out, “Wait, Mama! Wait!”
And then he came downstairs and gave me one leaf. Mica told me, “Keep this, Mama. Keep this with you.”
“Okay, I will.”
I had three leaves with me the whole day, until I came home and gave them back to the kids, and received one dozen kisses right on my lips from Mica and a hug and kiss on my leg from Orlando.
I remembered afterward that Orlando did this one other time a couple of weeks ago. Rom and I were going on a date and our babysitter Tobi was going to watch the kids. As we were leaving, Orlando came up and gave me a long piece of grass and told me to keep it until I came back. He had a piece of grass for himself, too.
I think these gestures are so beautifully intuitive and simple, and powerful. Orlando is telling me: We are connected. We are tied together by these two grasses. We are always together, in our mind’s eye (I may have thought I was alone at that retreat, but I had two baby leaves with me).
It made me think of other times we’ve come up with connecting rituals… One was when Orlando and I were having a hard time connecting at the playground and I offered him a bit of love to hold his pocket until he was ready to reconnect. In the middle of last week, on a hard morning, he gave me some “magic” in my pocket until I was feeling better.
Another time, when we were tired of walking, I filled him up with energy so he could keep going. Last night, on our walk to the lookout, he asked me for some gas and checked in to make sure I had enough. I’ve never given him something to keep while I was gone, so that is one he thought up himself.
What connection rituals do you and your kids do?
